Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
