idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
