my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
