i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
