I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
