dude i'm inner monologue high
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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