If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
