i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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