I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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