okay pat passed out under dana's car
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
