there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
