Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
nutella sex= disaster
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
