i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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