You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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