So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
