so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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