Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
