I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
