I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
