Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
