i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
