so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
