i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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