I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
and you fell through a lawn chair
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
