So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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