it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
