It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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