I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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