there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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