you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
