I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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