You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
