Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
