Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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