Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
