At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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