the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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