Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
