i think i have two assholes
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
