and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
