I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
