It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
