Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
