I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize