i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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