i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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