I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
