Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
