We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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