This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
