I got chris browned last night
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
