I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
