So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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