I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
