i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
