they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize