what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
