Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
