y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize