Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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