just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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