Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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