Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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