I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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