all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
