I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
